just relax

i have changed in a lot of ways this semester. i am practicing more self control in many ways, i am hanging out with new and different people, and i have been slightly more reserved. several people have asked if i am ok on several locations. i think a lot of people assume the reason i am more reserved these days stems from my recent breakup with inga, which may have some to do with it, but the truth is i am very content at the moment.

perhaps i am finding that not always being in the spotlight is rather enjoyable. it is nice to be on the sidelines in a lot of ways. so thank you truly for your concern, it just shows that my friends care about me and for this i am very grateful. i want to let everyone to know that as of now i am very content in thought and in just being a part of people in general.

more self control please

nate

rejoice

last night we went to the hot springs. every time i go into the wilderness i truly have a spiritual experience. it makes me remember how small i am.

we left the city lights at around 10. and i was praying that we would leave them faster. i couldn't wait until we lost cell phone service. we drove as fast as we could through the thick fog and didn't look back. when we got off the main road we let loose and swirved on the ice.

i love this freedom.

when we finally parked we had to hike up a donkey's trail until i saw a true oasis. the guys stripped into their boxers like adolescents preparing for their first physical. icy feet then melted to fire, but the sting felt great.

i looked up in the haze of the sky and saw a rather fulll moon crowned with a halo. i then looked at the stars and thought about how often people say, "look how far away they are." but i thought the opposite tonight. i felt as if i was in a plantetarium again.

then i looked straight forward at the beautiful painting laid before me. the shades of blue, purple, grey, white. a few hours later our finers had shrunk, and we made our way to the car. as we made our way towards cell phone service there was a subtle grown in the car.

so long nature

until we meet again. hats off

please. continue to make me low. amen amen

more blessings.

tonight i had the honor of going to a jewish synagogue. it was interesting, because i didn't understand a lot of their worship, because it was in hebrew, yet i felt G-d in way i never have. i am truly convinced that we can find G-d in religions other than Christianity. i was reading through some of the meditations in their worship book and felt true sincerity. it is a real shame, because i left my notebook at home, so i was unable to copy any of them for you to read, but they were a true blessing.

i did meet this really neat man afterwards who was very cultured and gave me a title to two movies that he insisted i watch, one was about st. francis.

open wide my door, my Lord, to whatever makes me love you more

may He continue to teach us in the most peculiar ways.

much praise

i am thankful for:
accountability.
newfound self-control.
brothers/sisters.
growing peace.
growing hair.
growing love.
growing patience.

may He continue to make me low.

more travels.

last night i met with four people that i am going to spend 9-10 weeks with this summer. i will admit i was a bit nervous, if they were annoying or something it could have been a really long trip. i really enjoyed getting to know them better though, and i am looking forward to traveling the northwest all of them.

i don't want to get too excited, but i think i might have found a telecaster in great shape that i might be able to own at a beautiful price. i have really enjoyed playing music lately. i am learning just to have a great time with it, and not to worry about being "great" or anything. last night the matt gilroy collective was together to sing a simple song he wrote about oranges and their trees. those guys are great, and i love playing/singing/making noise with them.

less travels. alleluia

finally my trip from hell comes to an end.most of you may know, but i traveled a total of twenty hours over break to get home, when it should have taken a routine six. to keep a long story short there was a series of delays that kept me practicing one of my resolutions, patience.
the rest of my resolutions are as follows:
no wal-mart
eat healthier when i have the choice.
respect women more
memorize the sermon on the mount

yesterday was really reassuring. i got everything done i needed to to get ready for classes, and i was able to catch up with many people i have dearly missed over break. one in particular came by my room in the evening and we were able to worship together through dialogue. we felt the holy spirit and it was great. i want to begin to listen to the little voice that i far too often silence with my selfishness.

in other news...
mewithoutYou just announced they would begin writing for a new album.
i might not listen to anything until it comes out. what an experience that would be eh?

may He continue to teach us patience and love.

inspired by ian's post today...sort of

top five bands of this winter break.

1. david bazan

2. microphones/mount eerie

3. wilco

4. neutral milk hotel

5. the faded tapes

laziness cuts me. like a fine cutlery

this entire break has been disapointing. not in meeting with others, but i have been dissapointed with myself. all i have done is nothing. i just sleep, eat, and watch movies. some might say, " well what is wrong with that?" everything is wrong with that. this life is too short to sleep it away, or spend it staring at a screen. i only touched a book once this break. there is a whole wealth of information out there far more interesting than my own apathy. not to mention helping others and interacting with others. i don't think tht there is anything better created by God for human joy than other humans and our interactions together. God has also created nature. for myself that is one of the only places i can go and still feel God. nature is so focused, disciplined, patient, and serene. i have been incredibly selfish this break...and most of my life.

may He have mercy on me and make me low

Finality

For those of you who don't know inga and i broke up at the beginning of Christmas break. It is really hard to explain why through cyber text, I would rather chat about it over a cup of tea.

Anyways. Today she left. Up until this point I was so sure, and still am, that we needed to take a break, but there is just something tough about finality. Last night we layed awake for most of the night explaining our fears. It was probably the most honest we have been with each other in a long time.

Today I had to help pack her car, change her oil, dust the snow off her car, and kiss her red nose one last time.

may He continue to have patience with me

dechristmasing

started taking down christmas decorations today.

my parents gave me their old digital camera, so pictures of life to come.

this is a lousy beginning.